Cullen fan number 1534
by KensOnFire
Summary: Edward cheats on Bella with one of his fangirls. Rated because I have a tendency to swear. And it's not really a western.
1. Prologue: Edward is a jerk

Author's note: This is my first story, so don't be a hater, be an appreciater!

Prologue

Jasper's POV

Edward had really done it this time. We knew that dozens of fan girls were in love with us.

To keep our wives happy, Carlisle, Edward, Emmet, and I had taken a pact to stay faithful to our wives, because flirting with any of these girls would have disastrous results.

But, just like the jerk that he is, Edward has to go and have an affair with one of these girls!

He has Bella, this nice, sweet, beautiful girl who is willing to be his wife, and he has to go and find this, this, GIRL!

I'm so glad Bella hasn't found out, but the disgust, anger, and hatred for this girl radiating off Emmet was about to make me throw up.

I need to get out of here.


	2. Chapter 1: Emo?

Chapter 1

Bella's POV

Everyone had been acting very strange lately. Edward had been a little more distant then usual, but he is sometimes. Emmet was angry, all the time. I was worried that Carlisle had finally cut off his game supply, but I had asked him, and that wasn't it. Rosalie was being her normal bitchy self, but with a little more smugness than usual. Alice was just being sad. And Jasper, well Jasper was being weird.

"Jasper, are you ok? You're shaking like Paul if someone breathes on him the wrong way." I said.

"Nnnnoootttthings wrong Bbbellla." said Jasper. I knew that something was definitely wrong.

Jasper's POV:

This was definitely not good. The hate from Emmet, and the self-deprecation {although not new, considering Edwards's…Edwardniness} from Edward was enough to turn anyone…OH NO! I know what's happening. I'm turning… EMO!!

A/N: This will have a lot of spoofs in it, and it takes place after Breaking Dawn


	3. Chapter 2: Jazzsplosion

Chapter 2:

Edward's POV: (In a tree somewhere in Forks)

I know I was supposed to be happy for Bella's sake, but I couldn't muster it. I don't know why I hooked up with that girl. Bella is my everything, and that girl is worth less than the one brain cell in Emmet's head. I just had to find a girl that I could screw! Bella is too delicate for me to even kiss, and I could kill that girl and it wouldn't matter. Actually, I did kill her.

_Flashback:_

"_Oh Edward!" shouted Latoya. I wasn't even sure that Latoya was her real name. I just needed to get some, experience. Bella knew I was a virgin, but I know from years of being a teenage boy that girls like experience. If anyone ever found out, I was dead, just like Latoya, lying on the floor at my feet. Stone dead._

_End Flashback._

Bella needed to be protected from what I did with that girl. If she found out, she would die. Bella is my little strawberry blossom. I have to protect her from everything. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud and saw a huge flash of light.

"Come quick, it's Jasper!" thought Alice.

Jasper's POV: (Back with Bella in the Cullen House)

I don't know what happened. There was a big flash of light, and then I passed out. I thought I had died and gone to vampire heaven, because Alice, Bella, and the rest of the family were standing over me. And I do mean standing over me. I was in a large hole in wherever the hell I was. All I knew was that I felt misunderstood and upset.

"Jazz, are you ok?" said the voice of my angel, Alice. That's it, I was definitely dead.

"Am I dead?" I whispered. I knew you weren't supposed to talk loudly to angels, and I didn't want to invoke the wrath of God on my first day.

"Oh Jazz, you're not dead. You just kind of… exploded. There isn't another way to explain it. Also, Jazz…" Alice trailed off.

"What is it, angel?"

"Well, I think you should look for yourself."

"Ok…if you guys can help me out of this hole. Also, why am I in a hole?"

"Well, when you exploded, you kind of, broke a hole in the floor. You went straight into the ground, about 30 feet down." laughed Emmet. Wow, that is ridiculous. Emmet came down and fished me out of the ground. I went straight to the closest mirror, which was obviously in Rosalie's room. I looked in the mirror, and was speechless.

"Wha…what happened to me?" I. WAS. EMO. My hair had turned black, with a big purple streak in the middle. I was wearing uber tight black skinny jeans with an oddly patterned black tee which was giving me a mini seizure. I also had a BAD case of manorexia. This wasn't good at all.

"WHY AM I EMO?" I shouted. I felt misunderstood and angry.

"Calm down, Jazz. None of us has any clue of why you turned emo." said Carlisle, the ever calm and optimistic one. Now, it was really starting to piss me off. I felt the extreme need to go to a Metro Station concert and be with my own kind. Wait, be with my own kind? I sound like I've joined a cult. But still, I am associating with my new emo-ness now. I needed to leave this house. There was too much happiness and love surrounding it.

"I need to leave."

"No, Jazz, you can't leave. Actually, you should go drink a goat or something. You manorexia has gotten to extreme levels now." joked Emmet. He is so stupid. It's not my fault I went emo. It's his fault actually, with all his hate and angst towards Edward.

Alice's POV:

"Alice, why is Jazz banging his head against the wall saying "Angst, angst, angst?" said Emmet.

"I really don't want to know."


	4. Chapter 3: Frosty the Snowman?

Chapter 3:

Alice's POV:

For the first time in, ever, when I came out of one of my visions, I was alone. Usually, Jazz senses when I have one, and dashes over, but he had a traumatic evening. I wasn't sure where he went, but I knew it could have something to do with the "cult" that he's joined. I went to look for him, and found a note.

_Dear Family,_

_I must leave. There is too much happiness, love, and cute little bunnies around. I must be with my own kind. And, no Emmet, emo-ism is not a cult!!!_

_Bye,_

_Jasper_

After seeing the note, Emmet laughed.

"Jazz will be back in a week guarantee, he's too much of a wuss to go through with it."

"My Jazz is a strong guy. He could be gone for months!" If Jazz was gone for more than a week, I don't know what I would do.

Emmet's POV:

Jazz is so funny. Emo-ism is definitely a cult; I can't believe he joined it. It sort of sucks that I don't have a wrestling buddy anymore. Who am I going to throw to a wall when I lose at Halo? Who am I going to bury when we play truth or dare? Actually, this really sucks.

Edward's POV:

Bella's acting happier than usual. She mainly is happy around me, but now she's Alice level happy. At least, Alice before. Now, since Jazz is gone, she is a shell of her former Alice-ness. She hasn't gone shopping in over 3 hours! And the last time she went, she only bought 3 pairs of shoes! I miss the old Alice. She was way funner when she was hyper, and shopping addicted.

Bella's POV:

Life is happiness and rainbows now! Seriously, since everyone in the family has been ignoring me, I needed an outlet for my love. Jacob is my best friend, and now I am seeing him as more than friends. He is cute, funny, smart, and really nice. I still love Edward, but Jacob is a good outlet for my feelings until Edward comes around. I don't know how I'm going to break it to Jacob when I go back to Edward, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Rosalie's POV:

I can't believe that skanky slut is cheating on Edward! I hate that girl just as much as I love Emmet. I knew that something was up with her, so I followed her home one day. She went straight to La Push! I had sprayed myself with some Imprint, the signature scent of the Quileute's, made entirely of wolf pheromones! She went to Jacob's house, and they immediately started making out. I am no longer being even courteous to this girl; she doesn't deserve Edward, or anybody.

Edward's POV:

"Hey, love!"

"Edward, we need to talk." OMB! We need to talk, that's the worst four words that you can say to a person. Well, it can't be any worse than me cheating on her with Latoya.

"Why have you closed off all of a sudden? I mean, you were a bit closed off before, but now your like Frosty the snowman, emotionally/"

"You mean happy and jolly?"

"No, like cold, frigid! Oh Edward, you know what I mean."

"Well, Bella, I have something to confess."

"What is it Edward?" she looked at me questioningly. Damn it, she's so hot! I don't want to harm this precious little angel at all, but it has to be done.

"I…cheated on you. With this human girl, Latoya. I still love you, more than I can comprehend, but I just wanted some…experience. I didn't want to be a n00b when we got married. And, on the plus side, she's dead, so we don't have to worry about her." This is not going well. I can't talk properly about this. I need another 100 years just to get this right.

"You bastard! I'll never talk to you again! My love stumbled out. I couldn't bear to watch her go. I laid down on the floor and dry sobbed. She is my sun! She is my moon! She is my everything! Why oh why did I have to tell her about Latoya?

Bella's POV:

The total bastard! He cheated on me. Me, the great temptress Bella! I thought I was his sun, or I guess not now! This does give me some time with Jacob though. Maybe I can have a party with him and his sexxy friend Seth! I'm definitely going there now.

Edward's POV:

"Edward, why did Bella just storm out angrily? What did you do now?"

"I told her about Latoya."

"OMJ Edward! You're so stupid! Why couldn't you just let things blow over, but no! YOU HAD TO HAVE A CONSCIENCE!"

"Usually, having a conscience is a good thing. I thought you liked the whole southern gentlemen thing. And, OMJ? Don't tell me you're in love with the Jonas Brothers too? I bet its Kevin you lust after." Alice had gone quiet when I had mentioned Jazz, but after I had talked about Kevin Jonas, she perked up a little.

"Edward, you know I love Kevin to pieces, but Jazz is the only one for me. Are you going to go get Bella from La Push?"

"She's going to La Push? Shit! I'm gonna have to go bust some Quileute ass!"

"You don't want to ruin the treaty. Just call Jacob and tell him to bring Bella to the boundary line to talk. I don't want you to ruin our Easter egg hunt!" She had planned an Easter egg hunt. Well, at least that seemed like the normal Alice.

"I'm coming with you, Edward. You tend not to be rational in times of stress." She had me there.

"Okay, let's go."

We drove to La Push in silence.

**A/N: Renesme doesn't exist in my story, and this is longest chapter yet!**


	5. Chapter 4: The Mighty Alpha

Chapter 4:

Jacob's POV:

YES! Bella finally came to her senses and came back to me. I love her so much, it's like I've imprinted on her! OMB! What if I have imprinted on her? That would be awkward. She just coming off this big relationship and me hopping in with "Hello, I love you, and I want you to have my babies!" Damn, not good. I should go talk to Sam.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yes Jacob?" Always the mighty alpha.

"I think I have a small problem."

"What happened now? Did you fall in love with another girl who loves a vampire? The blonde one? Or maybe the pixie one?" said Sam. Hardy-har-har.

"No! Shut up for one second. How do you find out if you have imprinted on somebody?"

"Wait, now you have imprinted? Just yesterday you were having a ditherspaz over…WAIT! ITS BELLA ISN'T IT! OME JACOB! You have to be the weirdest werewolf ever. She loves that crappy vampire. Also, what kind of hair color is bronze? It doesn't make sense."

"Yes, I think its Bella. No, I wasn't having a ditherspaz; I was just a little emotional. No, I'm not weird. And yes, bronze is a weird hair color."

"Ok, so you think you have imprinted on Bella. Well, I don't think you have yet, I would have sensed it, and so would the rest of the pack. I think you are close though. You are very upset when she is gone, and when she is here, you look like you won the lottery. I think we will have to monitor your feelings for the next few days. If they get any more intense, we will know that you have imprinted."

"But I don't want to imprint on Bella! Well, not yet. She just got out of a big relationship, and this could be too much too soon."

"Jacob, you can't help who and when you imprint on somebody."

"Yeah, I know Sam. I gotta go see Bella." I ran away before he could give me some more alpha advice.


	6. Chapter 5: The Western Element

Chapter 5:

Jacob's POV:

I went back to my house to find Seth and Bella dancing to "Sugar" by Flo Rida. It made me very upset for some odd reason, so I hurled Seth against the nearest wall.

"Jesus Jacob, come on! We were just dancing! I know she's your imprin…" I flung Seth over my back, told Bella that we'd be right back, and went outside.

"Ok Seth, first things first. BELLA IS MINE!!!! YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DANCE WITH HER!!! Second, no referring to her as "my imprintee" because I'm not sure that I've imprinted on her."

"Jacob…can't…breathe!" I dropped him. I was kind of holding him in a choke hold.

"You got it now?"

"Yup! But Jake, she said she wanted to dance with me! And I'm pretty sure that you have imprinted on her. Look at that last display. You pulled me outside and choked me just for some harmless dancing."

"Ok, I'm sorry about that. I've just been a little emotional this week."

"PMS?" Seth tried to look sympathetic, but he couldn't hold it in.

"HAHAHAAH!!! Hey…that…hurts! Stop squeezing so hard!" I had subconsciously started to grind him into a nearby tree.

"Not funny Seth. Never mind, you wouldn't understand. You're just a little kid."

"I am not! I have had crushes before. Between you and me that bitch Rosalie is a stone cold fox. I'd tap that any day."

"Ok…eww."

"Kidding! I kind of have a thing for Jessica Stanley."

"Gag! At least she's not a vampire!"  
"Bella's probably starting to wonder where we are."

"Ok let's go back inside then. But you understand right?"

"Yeah." When we re-entered my house we found Bella with a furious look on her face, talking on her cell phone.

"So your coming to "get me" now...No, I won't put Jacob on the phone…why? Because he's currently beating the shit out of Seth from the sounds coming from outside…NO! I'M NOT IN ANY DANGER! Anyways it's none of your business anymore…You can't have a showdown at the boundary line Edward, this isn't a Western (**A/N: Yes, it technically is)…**put Alice on the phone…Hey, Alice...EDWARD! STOP IMMITATING ALICE! GOODBYE!" she slammed the phone closed.

"Fucking hell, he's being a giant prick! Oh! Hey Jacob, Hey Seth!" Bella looked pleased to see us back inside.

"Hey Bella. What did Edward have to say?" said I through slightly clenched teeth.

"He wants to have a showdown at the boundary line."

"THE FUCK? That is one messed up vampire."

"Well, he's gonna come and break the treaty if we don't get over there, so lets at least go and talk to him?"

"If he's gonna be a douche bag, can I beat the shit out of him afterwards?"

"Yes." Bella smiled at me sweetly. I felt my heart twinge. Now she wants me to beat up the bronze one? This girl is AMAZING!

"Seth, you should probably go home, this could get messy." said Bella.

"Ok, bye!" As soon as Seth left, we hopped in my car and drove to the boundary line.

Edward's POV:

"Hi Bella, it's me Edward. I'm coming to get you from La Push…Can you please put Jacob on the phone…why not... THEIR FIGHTING! BELLA, ARE YOU IN DANGER?...I'd like to teach that wolf a lesson, get Jacob to drive you to the boundary line, were gonna have a showdown…fine I'll put Alice on the phone…Hey Bella! How are you...Ok, that was a cheap trick, I'm sor…" she cut me off and ended the call. I held back a dry sob. Why, my love? I really was sorry about Latoya, and I was doing it for her!

"Edward, why are you making dents in the floor with your fists?" asked Carlisle. I looked down. I now noticed that their was two vaguely fist-shaped dents in the floor.

"Sorry dad, I'm just upset about Bella. I told her about Latoya, and now she's run off to La Push."

"Wow son, your really in the shit. Edward, this is the stupidest thing you have ever done, even dumber than that time in Wal-Mart…"

"Carlisle! I thought you said we wouldn't speak of that!"

"Ok, I'm sorry. Now, you know what you have to do, right?"

"Yeah, I'm going to La Push to get Bella back and to kick Jacob's ass!"

"No Edward! I was thinking more along the lines of…never mind, he can't hear me." Carlisle was right. I was already on the road.


End file.
